Transform insecurities into power: how shaving my head healed me

if you have a fear of “being seen” aka fear of expressing yourself, taking up space, owning your gifts and shining — you are NOT alone.

so many women, including myself still sometimes, feel paralyzed by this fear - and it holds us back from becoming the daring women we dream of being.

let me tell you a story.

when i was younger, i was incessantly made fun of for having a “big” forehead. so much so to the point that i got bangs in my early twenties.

i would literally google “celebrities that have big foreheads” so i could feel less alone in my perceived hideousness. i found refuge in a few famous women, who people claimed to also have said big forehead.

(the fact that people spend their time making memes about the foreheads of powerful women is beyond my actual human comprehension and for another post, but i digress.)

years later i realized i was quite literally hiding underneath my hair, and that the people who told me i had a big forehead were just plain mean, and simply stated their opinion that i absorbed as truth.

this “truth” paralyzed me for a very long time.

this “truth” made me hide, feel insecure, and panic at the first sight of someone seeing my hairline - ESPECCCIALLLY a dude.

me & my precious bangs circa 2019

and this “truth” ... is BULLSHIT.

now, the point is not that i do or don’t have a big forehead - maybe i do or maybe i don’t... who cares? the point is, i created this entire story around my forehead - how i should be ashamed of it all because people projected this disgusting beauty standard onto me and because i was young and permeable, i accepted it.

and man, did it seep into my psyche and hold. me. back.

something as tiny and insignificant as the shape of my literal skull was enough to spiral me into feeling totally worthless!

why is this relevant?

well, such is the power of the stories we hold about ourselves. because in the scheme of life, who gives a fuck about the size of a forehead?!

but again, it wasn’t the original wound - but the story i created around the the wound. THAT is what paralyzed me.

then, enter 2021...the hallowed year i decided to **DRUM ROLL**

art by the incredible Florence Given

LET. THAT. SHIT. GO.

i decided to no longer allow this stupid, insignificant story of my forehead to hold me back.

so instead of continuing to cower and hide, i quite literally decided to let it all out by shaving my head. i went straight baby bottom bald, baby... so that hiding was no longer an option.

and boy, did it work. genuinely, my insecurity disappeared and now i never think about my forehead. not that i even love it, i literally just don’t even think about it in the way that i used to. because i didn’t give myself the excuse or option that it would hold me back anymore. instead i decided that the whole world, including myself, would see it.

i decided that i would just…OWN IT. IN ALL OF IT’S GLORY.

this OWNING of my former insecurity, is what transformed me.

this DARING TO LET IT BE SEEN, instead of hiding and creating a negative story around it, is what transformed me.

now...let me explain something else.

i did NOT shove fake positive affirmations down my throat, saying things like

“oh yes, i just LOVE my forehead!”

i didn’t try to force myself to love something that i genuinely didn’t feel all that great about - thats pseudo-authenticity and is just as toxic as the original wound.

instead, the internal shift was, “well, it’s who i am, and if i can’t change it, i’m just gonna fucking embrace it. and you know what?! maybe i DO have a big forehead. who cares?!”

“owning it” meant walking into my insecurity head on.

“owning it” meant not giving myself the option of running from it or making it mean anything about my worthiness anymore.

“owning it” meant not resisting or spouting pseudo empowerment such as “NO I DON’T HAVE A BIG FOREHEAD YOU ASSHOLE!!!” and instead being like ok sure, maybe my forehead is kinda big? maybe it’s not? uhh doesn’t matter, i'll be free either way. 

“owning it” meant not letting the original negative story to fester inside of me and infect my mind any longer.

in owning it, i walked into the fire of my own false perceptions about myself, the entire script flipped, and boom mothafucka, i walked out of that cold ass prison a FREE (and hella bald) woman.

oh it’s me, hot bald & FREE

so, if you have a fear, or an insecurity or self perpetuated story that seriously holds you back...

walk into the fire of it.

but then - THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PART -

burn. your. boats.

Burn your boats, meaning...

“In 1519, Hernan Cortes took a small army to the shores of Verecruz to take special treasure from the Aztec Empire. When the boats arrived at shore and as the men stood ready to fight for the treasure, Cortes made an unexpected move. He had his men turn back to look at the boats anchored just off shore and then he uttered three simple words that would change the course of history.

‘Burn The Boats!’

Following these words, Cortes explained that the men were either going to take the treasure and return home in the Aztec’s boats or they were going to die. He backed his men into a proverbial corner and turned inspiration to desperation. In time, Cortes and his men not only took the treasure but they also conquered the entire Aztec Empire.

While this historical tale might seem too extreme to be applicable today, it’s not.

We might not have boats to burn in the same way that Cortes did, but the concept isn’t about boats. It’s about committing to a process, striving for success and removing the alternatives. While it might not be our first choice, often times desperation is a more powerful driving force than inspiration and sometimes we need to remove the escape clauses from our own lives. In other words, pressure can create diamonds and sometimes we need to bring our own pressure.”

-Joe Rinaldi

god, i love this story.

various experiences in my own life such as me shaving my sweet lil head have taught me that most times, the stories that hold us back have us so fiercely downtrodden and entangled in their dark little webs, that the only option is to take huge risk and give ourselves no. other. alternative. but to transform any burdensome story we hold into one of empowerment, badassery, and overcoming.

we must consciously choose to transform our shit into gold, lest we always live at the mercy of the stories we tell ourselves, whether true or not.

so, my philosophy in transforming your insecurities and letting go of the fear of being seen means owning it fully through burning your boats.

decide that you will do it. decide that you will be the woman you dream of being. decide that your dreams will be a reality. decide that you will be big and brilliant and let yourself shine. decide that your insecurities and self doubt will no longer have your feet cemented in fear.

and then, most importantly, decide that NOTHING, not even your own mind, will hold you back.

burn your boats, girl. just fucking do it. and then be so damn kind and gentle to you... and hold yourself ever so tightly as you cackle and dance with the flames.

xx emma

p.s…this is a preview of what we uncover in ROAR: my 9 week online course for women designed to bring forth unshakeable confidence and unapologetic self-expression.

click here to apply now and let me know if you have any questions. i'd be so happy to hear from you!