Breaking the Spell: Casual Sex Ruins Powerful Women

the last time my mother tried to take her own life was some Novembers ago.

i hear her voice on the other line saying “Emma, i promise you i am not crazy.”

i don’t believe her. i shun her. i hate her. i tell her to never talk to me again.

years later, after uncovering the reality of the patriarchal narcissistic abuse in my family and coming to understand its subtle, insidious, and cancerous workings, i believe her wholeheartedly.

my mother has written extensively about her story, publicly. it is an extreme, albeit true, version of what happens to a woman when she is groomed to live inside of patriarchal reality. Big Pharma included.

i have come to know that a woman who is deemed crazy usually has a system of abuse, (usually sourced from a broken man) behind her that has projected onto her their own darkness and in order to survive, she took it on.

so when i found myself some years later grappling with yet another bout of madness and suicidality, it hit me.

me and my mother were not unstable women. in fact, we were competent, hardworking, level headed, intelligent, strong as hell, and emotionally sensitive.

what did our suicidality have in common?

men whom we did not respect entering our bodies.

men with unhealed wounding entering our bodies.

men with overt or covert energies of misogyny entering our bodies.

men with parasitic energy entering our bodies.

most importantly, men who did not earn “it” entering our bodies.

which comes down to us, not keeping our dignity intact.

for years, i bought into the idea that sleeping with whomever i wanted, whenever i wanted, meant empowerment. it meant that i was sexually liberated, and somehow proved my womanhood. if i was suspicious of how others were using their sexual energy (discerning), it meant i was judgmental, operating from my “shadow,” or not sexually liberated enough, and still had more work to do.

i could not have been more wrong.

if modern feminism and new age spirituality taught me anything (the two main culprits for this belief system) they sure as hell did not teach me to garner self respect or have a healthy fear of sexual energy, like one may have a healthy fear of God.

if i had been taught to truly revere sexual energy, not in the neo tantric cuddle puddle sense, but in the bowing down to a force eons more powerful than me sense, i would have learned that it is wise to be mindful of whom i share this energy with.

i am not interested in statistics. i am not interested in peer reviewed studies. i am not interested in propaganda or whatever the hell people or media tell me is good for me. i am interested in coming to know things for myself, through experience.

and what i have come to know is this: casual sex makes women less full of themselves. it has the potential to ruin us.

every time i had casual sex, i entered the experience after a period of celibacy of feeling so full of myself, so nourished in my own skin, so empowered in my work, my body, my heart and soul, overflowing with shakti and life force to the point that my breasts literally grew two sizes. to the point that there was so much energy coursing through my veins, i had no idea what to do with it.

so i did what any “empowered” modern woman would do...or what seems to happen like clockwork when a woman becomes so full of herself she is oozing with Eros.

i found a half decent not so bad could be worse kind of man to sleep with. he sniffed me out like a lion, and i responded straight away.

it must be something with pheromones.

when a woman is full of herself, i believe that something in her actual scent changes. the people around her sense this.

and if she is uninitiated into holding her own power, she will allow predators, vultures, emperors with no clothes on and bodies with no soul — aka black holes — to prey upon her, to quite literally feast on her energy so that they can become whole.

this is what narcissists are. they are black holes with no soul, no real identity. and they feed off of other peoples life force.

so i found someone to dump all of my energy into, because that’s how i was groomed in the patriarchy.

fuel the men. serve the men. live for the men. give everything to the man. show him how good in bed you are. show him how much you can please him. show him how hot you are. and you will be chosen.

except i never was.

because i didn’t respect myself enough to set the conditions up front with any man that he must earn the sacred sacrament of my body.

for a week or so after the experience i would feel fine. maybe even high.

then suddenly i would start hearing voices that were not my own.

my energy tanked, my joie de vivre disappeared, my sensuality and innate eroticism morphed into self hatred, suicidal thoughts, an overwhelming sense of apathy, agony, and a perverted desire for violence towards myself. to the point that i thought this was just who i was. i must just be severely disturbed.

the more i took in of each man, the more my identity disappeared and was replaced with something very dark, rotten, and hollow.

sometimes i even grew physically ill. i rarely ever get sick.

this has happened more times than i can count.

i asked my therapist once why people who use and abuse such as parasitically narcissistic and psychopathic people often appear “normal” and put together while the people who are ensnared inside of their web often appear crazy, hysterical, or outright fucked up.

she said, “the pain of the former is walking around in the bodies of the latter.”

i believe this is what can happen when women have casual sex with unworthy suitors.

and any kind of casual sex would be with an unworthy suitor, because a man is unworthy or irrelevant until he proves otherwise.

if you have not sussed out a man for a LONG while before he enters your body, his demons, his unhealed pain, his wounding, his misogyny, his bullshit, have the potential to absorb into your body.

and as a good little girl, you learn to take it.

they win, you lose.

over and over.

the energetic imprint of men is like that of a car.

our Eros, our life force, is their fuel.

we are not taught to be mindful of who and what we are fueling.

the amount of times i had woken up to this reality, then forgot as soon as i was in bed with another.

the amount of times i gave all of my fuel to a man, then sat by and watched as my energy completely plummeted and he got powered up like a damn rocket ship.

(one time an ex lover claimed to have literal miracles happen in his career after we engaged sexually, while i of course was rotting.)

the amount of times i KNEW i had NO business sleeping with this man until he proved himself to me, but convinced myself i was doing it because i was “empowered” and “prioritizing my pleasure.”

hedonism is not the same as real, embodied pleasure. its cheap, and therefore costly. another nuance new age spirituality specifically doesn’t seem to comprehend.

looking back, it’s shocking how many times this cycle repeated before i woke up to what was happening. i don’t know how else to describe it except that of being hypnotized into participating in my own demise.

but i hold no shame.

because this is the way my grandmother and mother was taught, and how i was taught.

because this is the norm for the modern woman.

it was easy to forget how suicidal i felt after having casual sex when nearly every woman around me was giving out her pussy like candy rather than making men pay for it like the exotic delicacy that it is, and bragging about the low grade dick she was getting it as if she had just won the patriarchal olympics.

when my psyche was still infested with all the feminist, new age “pro-pleasure” propaganda.

it is a spell. a collective, hypnotic trance. i mean that literally.

because like so many women, i was groomed from a very young age to reward men for dishing out crumbs, to reward men for bad behavior, to reward men who give pathetic, asinine effort, to reward men who aren’t providers, to reward men who disrespect other women, to reward men who disrespect me, to reward men i don’t even respect or like as humans (that was confusing and embarrassing to wrap my head around) the list goes on.

the reward? our sex. the magic and mysterious power that comes from entering a woman. nothing man creates can compare to this mystery.

this system of reward has created the very nature of the lackluster, violent society we’re living in. if women — specifically women in the West — collectively stopped putting up with bullshit from men, and understood that it’s our responsibility to initiate them.

initiate as in saying NO until a man proves himself to be an actual MAN — not an adolescent teenage boy (even if that means staying single forever) the world would have a real chance to heal.

the bar has been set so low for us all because no man has to work for ANYTHING anymore. men are confident that they will be rewarded no matter what they do.

and that is very dangerous for this world.

the world we are living in now is a byproduct of thousands of years of this system of reward.

if no woman, ever again, settled for anything less than the highest level of honor, respect, love, protection and reciprocity from a man and refused to lower her bar, men would be forced to change their ways and grow up.

and in holding our standards, not just for ourselves but for the world we want to see, we would grow up as well.

but because of this false reality we have collectively created, the second a modern man senses a woman will make him work for it, like any dignified, adult woman would, all he has to do is get on his phone or walk the streets and find the thousands of other women who will reward him tenfold for his deplorable, pitiful, laughable “effort.”

he knows he will find someone who will settle, and he always does.

but imagine if he could find no other woman. imagine how this would force him to evolve.

yet instead of holding our ground on our standards, we cave into our own programmed fears of not being chosen, and we are the ones who settle.

rinse and repeat, generation after generation.

we as women are cultural gatekeepers. we create and set the standards for culture because we are the only gender that has the power to create life.

if we can give life, if we can give our fuel, then we must seriously consider not fueling any man that does not fit into the world that we want to see.

make him work for it. make him prove himself as a man worthy of entering this world, or no reward. fucking zilch. be mindful of who and what you are fueling. i believe that real men actually thrive on this kind of challenge.

if we collectively raised our standards and stuck by them no matter how much the Maiden within wanted to be rescued and chosen, society would be a very different place.

so, the next time you solely blame men for why the world is the way it is,

reflect on what you as a woman have put up with, settled on, accepted, and most importantly, rewarded.

i do not say that to shame.

i say that to wake you the fuck up.

❤️