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love isn’t a feeling 

“I just don’t feel in love with you anymore..”

the words pierced my heart. speared it.

speared it and ripped it wide open.

feel? you just don’t feel in love with me anymore?

it hurt. I hated the sentence-it didn’t make sense to me. the deep roots I thought him and me had, showed their delicacy. were they really roots at all?

what happened?

“feelings just change,” he told me. “feelings fade.”

he was right. feelings change all the time-emotions, they come and go like sunrises, sunsets.

I began to ask myself.

feelings, if they change on a whim, how can love, how can relationships, be established off of them?

you know, those butterflies that fly around in your tummy during your first kiss- that warm fuzzy feeling you get when you’re falling for someone.

isn’t that what we are all searching for?

how can lasting, healthy, life giving relationships be based on something as fleeting as a feeling? 

they can’t be, can they?

because what happens to a relationship when reality comes like it does and you don’t get those warm fuzzy feelings anymore, when life starts to settle in and you become more.. comfortable? when you start getting bored? when you start to see the person- who are they, really?

when the fireworks cease and you’re left with the mundane, the every day.

love isn’t a feeling, no, it can’t be.

when we act as if love is so, our relationships breed emotional instability, uncertainty, and codependency. through the mountain peaks when we feel good we love, through the valleys, well we “just don’t feel it anymore.” we break up just to get back together because we feel like we can’t live without the other. this ‘love,’ is dysfunction, confusing.

Love, is choosing. in, or out of, romantic relationship. it’s concious. it’s deciding on a path that is not controlled by change-like-the-seasons emotions.

it is constant. it is not fleeting. it’s Truth.

it’s not a rollercoaster- it’s a straight line that pierces through and has the same definition through the ups and downs of life. it sees no end.

it’s saying that I know my feelings and emotions will come and go but I choose you, every day, and this is rooted in Something heart deep, beyond what I can express..not rooted in my ephemeral emotions, that come and go such as waves rolling to shore.

feelings say: “I love you when I am satisfied with you, I love you with conditions. when i feel like it.

Love says: “I love you no matter what, unconditionally.”

I want that Love. the I’m not going anywhere and even when I don’t feel it, I’m in this for the long haul and I choose you, Love.

a Love, that doesn’t relent. it’s there, always. it doesn’t play confusing games of the mind. it sacrifices.

a Love that it is not self seeking- not searching for the pleasure feeling to quench a thirst. not waiting for the feeling of euphoria to act. that only takes from each other. only consumes. never asking “what can you give me? how can you satisfy my desires?”

but always, asking, “how can I serve you?”

it’s raw, stable, secure. it never gives up.

yes, that Love-

that Love,
the Love that never forsakes.

and never, ever fails.

3 thoughts on “love isn’t a feeling  Leave a comment

  1. Hi Emma,
    You don’t know me and I don’t know you, I’m an old friend of Kylee’s, but I just wanted to say thank you for sharing this beautiful piece of your heart and for being so vulnerable. I connect deeply with your writing and always love when Kylee shares something of yours, I believe you to be a gifted and talented writer.
    Thank you again for your openness.


  2. Spot on young lady!! Love is a choice not a feeling. I didn’t learn this until I was in my 40’s. I have now chosen to love and it’s amazing!


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