are you even real? i cry out to God.
my worries overwhelm me. my thoughts pound in my head like bare feet jumping on wood floors. i stay up until 3 am thinking, worried. fear paralyzes me, i can’t move from where i sit.
if you think you’re the only Christian who doubts the existence of God sometimes, think again. i have. i do still, sometimes. to be completely vulnerable, honest, as much as I hate to admit this-lately, I’m in a season of a lot of the time.
but no one seems to talk about it much, i’ve come to notice.
following Jesus is so easy! smile! laughter! rainbows! smiling! always smiling! wake up and smiling! go to sleep and smiling! and then theres me. i don’t fit in because i doubt, I’m different because i doubt, i tell myself. and then i want to run, to hide.
let’s get real and talk about this. if you’re doubting God, have doubted God, you are not an outcast. if you’re in a season that is just painful, excruciating, and hard, you are not alone.
i am not saying that being happy is a bad thing. because it obviously is not. i’m just saying, lets talk about our struggles, let people know that they aren’t alone. let’s hold their hands and walk with them, truly walk with those who are doubting-who are hurting. lets stop just saying “don’t worry, God has a plan!” and then skip about our ways, smiling, while others are hanging on by a thread. lets weep with those who weep.
let us just sit and listen and wipe tears and be content with saying “this hurts and I’m sorry. this just plain sucks,” rather than always having to have some wise piece of advice for people who in reality, just want someone to listen. hurt with those who hurt. mourn with those who mourn.
it is OK to feel however you feel. doubt, anger, pain, frustration, whatever it may be, it is OK.
even through seasons of doubt, when we dont believe it and when our feelings are shaky, God is constant. He is a constant, stable, secure Papa who looks upon us with pure delight,
no. matter. what.
just keep looking to me, look to me, look to me, he says. even when you don’t feel good, look to me. when you’re frustrated, tell me. when you’re anxious, tell me exactly how you feel. i know it’s hard, look to me beloved daughter, look to me. lift your head, over and over and over. oh my precious daughter, I am greater than your doubt.
to the hurting, the confused, the tired, worn out souls-
Jesus is with you. I’m with you.
press on. struggles do not define you.
you are not alone.